Holiday Heaviness
I love the holidays but let's be honest, they can be TOUGH. No year is the same as the last. They have all looked very different for me personally. Things change, parents split, siblings grow up and have families of their own, God removes people from your life, loved ones die, and things just aren't the way they “used to be.” If you told me three years ago that I wouldn't be spending Christmas day at my dads house ever again I would have laughed in your face and called you a liar because no matter how rocky things got in our family we were always having Christmas at dads. When you lose someone it is hard to show up with a smile to do the things that you did in the past. It is hard to put the Christmas tree up without them there. It is hard to drive back to that small town and not be overwhelmed by the grief. It is hard to know there will be an empty seat at the table. It is hard to swallow the knot in my throat when I watch my sweet niece open her gifts knowing my dad would be so proud and she will never even get to meet him. The truth is sometimes the holidays are just a huge reminder of that lonely feeling, a reminder of that huge hole in your heart. When grieving someone, some days are just simply harder than others, and holidays usually fall under the harder days category. Some days our only goal is to just place one foot in front of the other. It's normal to feel like you're missing out when you see that family's perfect portrait in front of their big 12-ft christmas tree in their HD-TV home looking all happy and jolly like nothing goes wrong in their lives. It is normal to feel alone when you see that couple posting their cute holiday pictures on instagram. It is normal to cry when you miss that person you thought you'd have more time with. It's normal to feel a little bit of guilt for not soaking up every last second of that last Christmas you had with a loved one. It is more than normal to let pain and joy co-exist, you're allowed to feel two things at once. Soak in the joy and embrace the pain. Find peace in the fact that in Christ no goodbye is final. Take a moment to be grateful for all the blessings that you have because we all have so many. Tomorrow is a new day and take a deep breath because there's 365 days until the next Christmas. Think of how much God has worked in your life in the past 6 months, for me personally He flipped mine completely upside down in all the best ways, now imagine what God can do in the next 12 months. I'm not saying the pain will be any less next Christmas or that the hole in your heart will be completely healed but I am saying that there's peace at the foot of the cross.
So to anyone whose Christmas looks a bit different this year, know it's normal to feel this way. If you feel alone, remember that Jesus felt alone in the Garden of Gethsemane. In Mark 14:36 Jesus says “Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Jesus was overwhelmed and asked God to take the heaviness from him but He ultimately trusted God's will for His life. If you feel like your life isn't going how you planned, remember that Mary's life didn't go how she planned it to either. Her life was flipped upside down with the words of Luke 1:30-33. “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!” She was a virgin and pregnant with the Messiah and her husband almost left her and there was a good chance that she would be looked down on by her community. If you're filled with grief this Christmas remember that Job was also filled with grief and chose to continue to trust God's plan for His life. Job learned that trusting God and not relying on his own understanding was the only good way to approach difficulties in his life. His life was falling apart and he didn’t have time to recover from one wave of grief before another hit. When he was drowning in grief he could do nothing but cry out to God. Holiday heaviness is so real and you're not a grinch for feeling it.
Good Talk,
Rylie With The Messy Life :)
