Life Is A Salad

Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” No one is excused from this verse. We have ALL sinned and fall short of the merciful, gracious, and never ending glory of God. This is usually the part where I tell you how utterly blessed we are that He forgives us regardless of the sins we commit, and while yes that is true, and it is so comforting that He wipes our slate clean and doesn't hold things over our heads. Truth is sometimes the hardest part is forgiving ourselves. 

I've messed up many many times in the short 19 years that I've been here on earth. I've said things no one should ever have to hear. I've done things I regret. I've hurt the people I love most. I have been so selfish. I've shut down and closed myself off. I've put up walls between people who were only trying to help me. I've pushed away my very best friend for temporary people. I've spent years living in anger, trapped by grief, shutting God out of my life, trying to drown the pain in things of the world. Long story short I've messed up. We all have. Now what do we do after those mess ups? Well I am not going to act like I have all the answers because I don't, I still struggle with forgiving myself for some of the things I have done. I went to therapy this past week and it was a rough session, no particular reason, some sessions are just harder than others. While I was sitting on the couch explaining different things that have been occupying my brain for the past couple of weeks my therapist said “Well, there's something all those things have in common, do you know what it is.” And you know me I’m sitting there thinking, “Um no, that's why I am here.” She then said, “All of those things are things you regret, you're going to have to forgive yourself to move on.” And now I'm sitting there thinking ummm yeah so how do I do that???? She goes on to say life is like a salad, the lettuce is your childhood, the croutons your high school years, the cheese the death of your dad, the tomatoes… etc. and here I am with no idea of where she's going with this. She then says it takes all the ingredients to make the salad whole. Meaning all the things you've ever done and the things that have happened to you make you who you are today. A couple posts ago I said “If you went back right now and erased every mistake you ever made you would erase yourself.” So yeah I guess all those things have to be in the salad but guess what, you get to choose the dressing, you get to wake up and no longer want tomatoes in your salad. We have to trust that the things we take out of our salad aren't good for us anymore and He will provide better. We can't carry the baggage of our past and do our best work for the kingdom at the same time. But how do we drop the baggage?

Forgiving yourself ultimately comes from understanding God's forgiveness. His forgiveness is essential in our lives. His sacrifice on the cross was more than enough to wipe our slates clean of any and every sin we’ve ever committed. So what does this mean? Well forgiving yourself actually has to do with receiving God's forgiveness. Sounds simple and all but it's definitely difficult to put into practice. We regret the things we have done in the past and the hurt we have caused. The enemy knows how to slip in and remind us of those hurts. He convinces us that constantly punishing ourselves will atone for our sins, but that is so not true. Who would Jesus be if we could make up for our own sins? The cross would have all been worth nothing if we could make up for our own sins. The bible makes it very clear that we are absolutely nothing without the love of Christ in us. We aren't enough on our own. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” There is eternal life in who? Not ourselves, that's for sure. Ephesians 2:4-5 says, “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” Christ absorbed The Fathers wrath for all of our sins. Meaning there's no wrath for you and I to endure. His wrath has been satisfied. Isaiah 57:14-21 talks about how God draws near to sinners, that's you and me! He is the most high God and He sits with the lowly (also you and I). He's never shocked to see us sin, He's actually with us, ready and waiting with healing, joy, and compassion. He sees our wickedness and still draws near. So here's the point, the gospel lays out the fact that Jesus died for our sins, the ransom was paid in full meaning living in self punishment and regret is doubting the gospel, doubting that you are truly forgiven. I say none of this to scare you or make you feel guilty. I struggle with this daily. Forgiving yourself is admitting you're a sinner and owning up to the fact that you can't do anything outside the love of Christ. It's acknowledging that we are so imperfect yet we serve a perfect God. We are called to receive God's grace and mercy in full. 

What about our sins that hurt others? The hard truth is living in that shame and regret will not and cannot remove the hurt that you've caused nor mend a broken relationship. The good news? Jesus can. Jesus can heal the hurt, He can mend relationships, He can do the impossible. 

Why is it important to forgive yourself? Like I said, we can't carry the baggage of our past and do our best work for the kingdom at the same time. He needs you to be whole so you can live forgiven and be a testimony of God's grace and forgiveness. As Christains we aren't called to live in shame, guilt, and regret. We are called to live in the freedom of Christ because He paid it all on the cross. He didn't die on the cross for us to bear the weight of our sins. 

When I was thinking of people in the bible who had a rough past and surely had to forgive themselves, my mind instantly went to Paul. I love the story of Paul so much. Paul used to be a very bad man, it was literally his job to kill christians. God revealed himself to Paul causing Paul to have an instant change of heart, as you could imagine. Paul had done a lot of really bad things in his life but instead of living in the shame and guilt of his past, he shared the gospel. He knew that God could use him regardless of the sins he had committed. Paul wasn't living in a way that honored God to make up for his past, he truly understood gospel and what it meant to be saved by the love of Christ. In Paul's sin, God was glorified. This is why your story matters. God doesn't waste a hurt, and when you share those hurts you can connect to people on a whole other level. In ​​1 Timothy 1:15-17 Paul writes, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Paul is saying listen if God can forgive me of all people He can certainly forgive you. Paul understood God's forgiveness. He understood the importance of dropping his baggage, I'm sure he had to come to terms with the fact that he killed so many innocent people, but that didn't stop him from repenting and sharing the good news. Let's be honest Paul had to forgive himself, he had to pick all the tomatoes out of his salad so that he could top it off with some of that Olive Garden Italian dressing. Ha! I'm just kidding, but on a serious note Paul topped his salad off with the love of Jesus Christ and you should too. To God be the glory, always. Be the sunshine on someone’s cloudy day.

Good Talk,

Rylie With The Messy Life :)