The Dance

I was doing my quiet time today and I came across a passage I had highlighted. What caught my eye was the date written next to the passage, 1-9-21. The passage reads “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going.” “No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” On January 9, 2021 I woke up, looked in the mirror and practiced reading the letter I wrote for my dad to read at his funeral later that day. That day I had no idea what was next. I didn't know what life was going to look like. I didn't understand what God was doing. I didn't understand the goodness of God. Sixteen-year-old me didn't know the Lord and His character, she was trying to fill a void in her heart with every fleeting thing she could get her hands on. It took me years of stone cold bitterness and heartbreak to finally realize that nothing this world offered could satisfy the ache in my soul. Sixteen-year-old me was searching desperately for love, identity, and worth, but I was looking in all the wrong places. It wasn’t until I encountered the kindness and faithfulness of Jesus that my heart began to soften. He met me in the middle of my mess, patiently waiting as I wrestled with doubt and disappointment, and He never stopped pursuing me. Walking hand in hand with God isn't about knowing all the answers or bypassing all the trials, it's about trusting Him in the unknown and clinging to Him in the middle of the storm. Walking hand in hand with God means surrendering control, even when it’s scary, and believing that His plans are still good, even when they don’t look like mine. It’s choosing faith over fear, intimacy over insecurity, and truth over the lies that once held me captive. 

Elijah was a prophet who stood boldly for God in a time when no one else did. He called fire down from heaven and watched God move in miraculous ways. He was faithful, courageous, a man of God, but he was also human. Right after one of his biggest victories, Elijah ran for his life, afraid, discouraged, and alone. In 1 Kings 19, Elijah hits rock bottom, he tells God he’s had enough and asks to die. But God didn’t rebuke him. He met Elijah right where he was, in the wilderness, in the exhaustion, in the fear. He gave him food, rest, and whispered truth into his weary soul. That’s the same God who met me on January 9, 2021. The same God who met sixteen-year-old me in her bitterness. The same God who met me on January 3, 2021 lost, confused, and crying so hard I couldn't breathe. The same God who met me on the bathroom floor on July 31, 2023 feeling unloved and abandoned. The same God who met me on the floor of that dorm freshman year when I no longer wanted to be alive. The same God who doesn’t demand perfection, but invites us into His presence. He doesn’t always answer our "why"s, but He always offers Himself, and that's more than we could ever need. So if you’re walking through your own wilderness right now, if life feels uncertain or your heart feels heavy, know this, God isn’t waiting for you to have it all together. He’s meeting you right where you are. And He’s enough. 

Knowing what I know now, I’m thankful things played out the way they did. No way in heck would I have said that then lol but I didn’t have the perspective, the healing, or the hope I do now. But all that confusion and hurt led me to the feet of Jesus. A great lyricist and philosopher (Garth Brooks) once said, “And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.” Looking back, I realize that pain wasn't pointless. He doesn’t waste a hurt. It was part of God's plan to draw me closer to Him. I didn’t understand it then, but I see now that even in the heartbreak, God was weaving grace and mercy into every single little mundane detail. I may have missed the pain if life had gone differently, but I would’ve missed the dance. I would’ve missed the intimacy with Jesus that came from learning to walk with Him, trust Him, and let Him redefine what love, identity, and worth really mean. So if you're in a place where nothing makes sense, and you’re tempted to wish it all away, remember, sometimes the most beautiful stories are the ones that rise out of the ashes. He’s not done writing yours yet.

It’s no coincidence that the Lord laid it on my heart for me to share this today, on my dad’s birthday. I miss him more than words can say. But I can also say with confidence that God has used even the deepest grief to bring about something redemptive in my life. The pain of losing him cracked open a space in my heart that only Jesus could fill. And though I would’ve given anything to skip the heartbreak, I would’ve missed the nearness of God that came with it. So happy birthday, Dad. Thank you for being part of the story that led me to Jesus. I’ll always carry your love with me, and now, I carry His too. To God be the glory, always. Be the sunshine on someone’s cloudy day.

Good Talk,

Rylie With The Messy Life :)